What you need to know about dating as a young Christian woman

Hi Woman of God

I wanted to share some thoughts on a topic that many of us know well: dating. As young and single Christian women, it is vital to approach dating with wisdom because romantic relationships are one thing that I have seen (time and time again) possess the power to either make or break the destiny of a woman.

So read this letter thoroughly.

Things to Avoid in Dating

It’s easy to feel pressured to date because it seems like "everyone is doing it." However, dating too early or too often can have negative consequences:

1. Seeking Validation from the Wrong Places: When you date for the sake of dating, you may find yourself looking for affirmation and self-worth in a man rather than in God. This can lead to emotional pain and confusion, as no person can truly fulfill the deep needs of your heart like Jesus can.

2. Distraction from Your Assignment: Dating when it doesn’t align with God’s timing or God’s direction can distract you from the calling that is on your life. The energy, attention, and time that relationships require can pull you away from your spiritual growth, your assignment and your relationship with God. The time you would have otherwise been investing into these things can be occupied by a person that won’t be around in a year from now. Praise God that He is a restorer of lost time, but wisdom advises that we avoid these time-filler relationships and “situationships” so that we are available to be used by God.

3. Wasted Time and Energy: Failed relationships often leave us drained, scarred and heart-broken. While we can come away with lessons learned, they can come at a high cost - lost time that could have been spent growing in faith, serving others, or preparing for the future God has planned for you. Remember, we don’t have to learn from our traumatic experiences - we can learn from the wise counsel of mentors who have gone before us and of course from the wisdom found in God’s Word.

What to Do Instead

So, when you feel the urge to date just because it’s what the world is doing, consider these alternatives:

• Ask God for Guidance: Pray and ask God to help you identify the type of man you need, not just the one you might want in the moment. Let God be your matchmaker.

• Know Who You Are in Christ: Spend time getting to know who you are in Christ. Your identity is not found in a relationship but in being a beloved daughter of God.

• Source Your Validation from God: Find your worth and value in God first. When you are secure in His love, you won’t need to seek affirmation from others.

• Build Healthy Friendships: Cultivate meaningful friendships, including with men, without rushing into romance. This will help you understand different perspectives and build a strong foundation for future relationships.

• Allow a Godly Courtship: If/when a man you like does pursue you, allow him to court you in a way that honors God. Maintain your values and only continue in that relationship if his values align with yours.

• Pray for Grace and Discernment: Relationships can be a significant tool the enemy uses to distract us. Pray for the grace to navigate wisely, and always seek God’s direction.

For Those Who Regret Past Choices

To anyone who feels regret over relationship choices you made in your past, remember that there is now NO condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). You are a new creation in Him, and His grace gives you the freedom to move forward and make choices that honor Him and protect your heart. Let God prepare you for the right man and bring him into your life at the right time.

When the right person comes, pray for wisdom to navigate that season well and strive to ensure that your relationship honors God. Above all, pray without ceasing and seek God’s wisdom on how to love and be loved in a way that reflects His love for us.

May God bless you and guide you in every step of your walk with Him.

With my love

Tochi